Dubbo residents who in the past have lived elsewhere in the world know how lucky they are to inhabit this Wiradjuri land known as Dubbo and at the risk of creating a max exodus from the cities, I’d like to share 8 reasons why Dubbo is the best place to live in Australia. Way better than Orange.
- The Zoo — How many regional cities have got their own zoo. I was in Orange on the weekend and I thought, you know what, I feel like seeing some wild animals from all around the world and guess what, I couldn’t because Orange doesn’t have its own zoo.
2. It’s warmer than Orange — Before moving to Dubbo, I lived in Orange. It’s a great place if you want to go ice fishing or build an igloo, but if you actually want to be warm, Dubbo is the place for you.
3. No active volcanoes — If your anything like me and the rest of the planet, one of your greatest fears is active volcanoes. Dubbo as of 2015 has less than one active volcanoes, which is good news. The news is not so good if you live in Orange which is built at the base of a once active volcano, and while it’s not active any more, who knows when that pimple’s going to pop.
4. Rising Sea Levels & Tsunamis — We all know the truth, yeah sure there are the fat cats who deny it for the sake of profit but Climate change is real. 90% of Australia’s population lives on the coast and the fact remains if the tsunamis don’t get you the rising sea levels will leave you homeless. Better get yourself some Dubbo real estate before you have to compete with the 90% of Australia that now lives underwater.
5. Nuclear War — With the likes of Donald Trump and Vladamir Putin with their fingers on the button, you can be sure some ego-driven maniacs are going to let a few intercontinental missiles off the chain in order to prove their salt, which of course will inevitably lead to World War 3 and out of all the 1000’s of missiles how many do you think are pointed at Dubbo. I’ll tell you. Zero. We fly too way under the radar and are too far from any major population centres to worry about such things.
6. The Zombie Apocalypse — You may well laugh but it’s been predicted in more than a few high profile movies that we will face a Zombie Apocalypse sooner or later. When it happens, where do you want to be, in Sydney surrounded by 4 million other potential zombies or in Dubbo knowing that there’s lucky to be no more than 600 people west of Dubbo and another 4000km until you hit the west coast? Far enough distances that no zombie will be able to smell the scent of your juicy brain. PS. If the zombie apocalypse does strike it’s probably a good idea to steal a water truck before taking off into the desert. And I know its hard, but taking your kids are just going to get everyone killed. Save yourself.
7. Lack of choice — Choice is a killer and kills more people every year than the average shark. If you don’t believe me, try this experiment, take your donkey outside and put two open bags of feed on either side of him. You can be assured that your donkey will die from starvation, Why? The donkey doesn’t know which bag to choose. They’re both delicious, he wants one, but which one, which one will make him more satisfied? So stupid donkey dies! We too are stupid donkeys, in large population centres, people are spoilt for choice so they choose nothing. A Comedy Festival or Guy Sebastian live, the NRL grand final or Swan Lake, the choice is impossible. So you do nothing. In Dubbo, you can go watch Wez play the guitar at the Garden Hotel on a Saturday night and that’s it, and you know what? That’s great because you appreciate it for what it is, it’s not Wez vs Disney on Ice or Wez vs The Largest roller coaster in the southern hemisphere. It’s just Wez, you and the rest of Dubbo. It’s great.
8. Housing Prices — If you haven’t noticed, housing prices in the big cities are so expensive that you actually have to have a job to live there. In Dubbo, you can afford to purchase a 3 bedroom house if you or your significant other are receiving at least one government payment. Those of you who are lucky enough to be on a disability pension will be able to buy something with enough room to pop out a few extra kids, which can be a great little money-spinner.
Conclusion — The fact is, if you’re not happy now, you probably won’t be any happier in Dubbo. Why? Because happiness comes from appreciating where you are and not where you could be. That said you’ve got an 82% better chance of surviving the apocalypse. It’s your civic duty to share this article, the lives of millions are at stake.